Gain or loss? You decide.

Usually after A levels end and that 8 months long break lies ahead, all we tortured souls can think of is unlimited, uninterrupted fun and relaxation.

As for me, I was more than that. I had planned fun times, guitar lessons, jazz dance and kung fu! -insert the much needed kung fu action sign- and and ooohh, I wanted to do some community service. Join Worldvision - make a difference in the world like how I said I would always. But then things never work out the way you want them to.

So now, obviously I ended up doing nothing of the above. Though I did watch Kungfu Panda, if that accounts for anything.

What I did was and want to talk about...

Two internships, two months each --> 4 months of early mornings, rushing to work, intern like work, 4 months gone.

Gain or loss? I decide.

I gained first hand experience of how it is like being a lawyer and then how PR firms work. Two more things to add to my CV. I gained a bit of money which went to paying my phone bills. I gained lunch time with people I want to spend time with.

Loss. I learnt the downside of responsibility. And this is really what I want to talk about. Why responsibility sucks and when should you stop being responsible to someone, when should you take a step back and just let it be.

My internship was the bomb. I loved it. I loved the people and I loved that profession. More than ever I wanted to pursue that profession. My boss, I think, loved me. She saw me as this responsible person who, despite just being an A level graduate, did work for her that she thought I would not be able to do. yeah yeah I know i am boasting but wait for it, I am getting to the point. So then I left the internship, my time ended and soon, in like 3 weeks, she contacted me and asked me if I knew anyone who could tutor her son.

So i offered and soon I was teaching her son. Big mistake. Why? because one day I completely forgot that I was supposed to go and I only remembered when she called. and the next day, I was told that I am not a good example and therefore, its terminated.

That forced me to think... why is it that I extended my responsibility? I should have just left it at that. When my internship ended. When she was still thinking that I am responsible. What is it with us humans that we want to constantly prove ourselves. We think that if we dont, then whatever we have done before will get lost. And then you make one mistake and everything you have done is gone. Like come on, what am I really to my ex boss now? Her son's tuition teacher, who she sacked.

So, the downside of responsibility. You have to goddamn maintain it all the time. And one small slip, and tada, you are irresponsible. Its a constant. It nags you all the time.

Why don't we end our responsibility when we can? I didn't and now what I had thought was a gain has become a loss.

I love not being responsible or answerable. It's a very liberating feeling. I know it might sound stupid... but I enjoyed breaking the table at Clarke Quay after I had the chilli shot. It was so thrilling and I felt like I had this story to tell people where I did something that didn't elevate me or make me seem responsible. It made me look stupid, actually. But it was nice. That is another side to me... apart from the hardworking girl (my ass). and that is the case for everyone.

We exhaust each day impressing people. Why can't we just be goofy? To heck with everyone, really. I am just 18 and the only responsibility I have right now is to not do things that 23 years old and above do. Like you know, work, earn and non-stop sex!! hahaha yeah. That too. Those are my responsibilities.

So its all about finding and short listing those things that you are actually responsible for. Why take on unnecessary baggage? Leave it for someone who hasn't realised this yet.